There is a thing in my garden.
I say "thing" because I am not sure what it is. As a result we haven't been able to set the internal security alerts for the cottage for a number of days.
Finn and me, (Finn is the kitten for those who can't remember) were sitting on the stoep this morning discussing the latest developments. The "thing" arrives at night and is fond of making a funny screeching noise at around 4 am. It doesn't eat mushrooms as it can be seen sniffling around two huge mushrooms but hasn't tried to eat them. The thing also left strangely delicate footprints on the stoep and freakily the one window. It ate the mongoose's apples.
As we were having our discussion I was having coffee and Finn was trying to drape himself around my neck like those fake fox-furs worn by ladies in the 1920s.
Jean-Luc the mongoose came to see what the early morning discussion was about.
"Do you have an evil twin that we do not know about?" I asked. Jean-Luck shrugged in the manner of the French and looked longingly at his apple bowl.
"It ate your apples," I say with all the dramatic tone I can muster at 7 am in the morning. (Not so easy with a kitten pretending to be a fake fox fur around your neck.
Jean-Luc boxed the air in outrage.
I looked up to the tree where Christopher the Bat was settling in for his day-time snooze. "You are nocturnal," I say. "Didn't you see anything?" Christopher winked in a godfather-like manner that makes me fear that I will find a severed horsehead in the bed tonight.
Next the geese descended for their early morning bread. They saw nothing, they seemed to say but they looked like they were lying.
Resident tortoise Stanton saw nothing. Clive, the owl, just looked like he would advise that we embrace "the thing" instead of fighting it.
So as me and my fake fox fur kitten went to see Rambo, the frog. Who promised to protect us. Unless the thing eats it first.
Will be waiting with the flashlight tonight....
Otherwise I am phoning the neighbourhood watch.
