Green Greener Greenest

With appalling timing a PR of the purveyor of some green-super-powered-vitamin-drink-powder accidentally found me at my desk when she phoned. I hate answering my landline for precisely that reason:

PR Person: Hello. How are you?

Me: I am fine. What can I do for you?

PR Person: I am fine.

Me: I didn't ask.

 PR: I am fine. Thank you for asking ma'm.

Me: I didn't ask. (O screw this) What can I do for you? (I don't say the bit between the brackets, I just think it.)

PR: I have something to send you. What is your address?

Me: What do you want to send me?

 
PR: A product.

Me: O really? What?

PR: A powder.

Me: A powder?

PR: A vitamin powder.

Unfortunately I found myself getting slightly interested at this point. But managed to fend of said incompetent PR person who then proceeded to send me the "powder" anyway.

Meanwhile, I got intrigued, I started reading up on it and apart from it being used as the crucial element of something called the Hallelujah-diet (yes really) some well-respected doctors were singing its praises.

Since I had "the powder" in any event I thought it will try it, mostly because system was slightly depleted of vitamins and other good things following a rather raucous weekend in Cape Town and my patience was wearing thin and I read somewhere that everyone who took it was in a good mood and of course in my vigorous pursuit of all things health-related. Here are my notes so far:

Day 1: Morning

Instructions say take with juice on empty stomach soon after waking up, but I guess the reason for it is that it smells so vile that you need something to disguise the smell.

And it is green. I don't do green feed. Unless it is an indication of cream-soda flavoring or I eat it by accident. (Except for beans. I love beans. And green jelly. Jelly of any colour really).

Used apple juice.

It didn't help.

Had coffee first for courage.

Had chocolate afterwards.

 Guessed this might have defeated purpose. Vowed not to have chocolate again. Cannot be moved on coffee though, don't be ridiculous.

Day 1: Evening

Instructions say take on empty stomach  about twenty minutes before having healthy supper.

Looked at bottle.

Recalled absolute vileness of morning attempt.

Had a glass of wine instead.

 

Day 2: Morning

Looked at self in mirror. Convinced self that needed more vitamins.

Had juice and vile green powder.

Had some more juice without green powder afterwards. (Temporarily run out of chocolate)

Spent another ten minutes in bed hoping overwhelming desire to throw up will go away.

Became endlessly entertained by spectacular goose wrestling outside window.

Body went into shock at suddenlty receiving so many vitamins at one time. Confused brain by releasing so many endorphins that was uncharacteristically happy all day.

 

Day 2: Evening

Had many, many glasses of wine over supper with friends.

Thought that having green juice might be potentially lethal.

 

Day 3: Morning

Looked at green powder. As have hangover the size of empire state building, brain slightly comprehends necessity to have green powder.

Rest of body refuses to find glass, juice.

Had two double espressos instead.

 

Day 3: Evening

Geese brought something that can either be a very large shongololo or a small snake and triumphantly dropped it on stoep. Mongoose scattered. Got so sidetracked about it worm/snake issue that forgot about green powder.

Vowing to try again.

Day 4 and 5

Favourite three-year old in the world arrived to visit Ouma, Oupa and Tannie Stel for Christmas.  So happy that completely forgot about green powder.

This is not going particularly well...